New York City

From a young age I have always been mesmerized by the brisk motion and ongoing activity New York City provides. The city (as us New Yorkers call it) holds so many memories that have partly shaped the individual I am today because my future lies within the streets of New York.

Yesterday as I visited the city for what seems like the millionth time in my life, that burst of excitement rushed through my body as if I was a first time visitor. Nothing compares with coming over the hill on the expressway and seeing the city skyline within reach. At that moment I know I am home. When looking at the looming skyline I often remember my first memorable city experience at when I was 6. My grandparents took me to the Empire State Building and I remember leaning against the metal barrier looking down at the taxis which seemed like toys a child may play with. To a 6 year old nothing else can offer that sort of amazement. I still have the snow globe from that trip sitting on a shelf too. I then recall my first visit to Rockefeller Centre during Christmas time and learning to ice skate there in front of that gigantic, but majestic Christmas tree. To this day I love being able to tell people I learned how to ice skate at Rockefeller Centre at 8 years old. Then of course standing outside in the freezing cold wind waiting for Barry to arrive at the Good Morning America studio. That is certainly a day that will remain as one of my most memorable city experiences.

As I was leaving Brooklyn later that night I could not help but feel a pang of sadness. The city skyline at night to me is one of the most breathtaking sights in the world. My eyes just never seem to be able to leave the daunting electricity that seems to submerge the city at night. I never want to leave and that pang of sadness was me not wanting to leave what sometimes feels like home.

It really is true when Barry says:

When my heart is torn apart by love I wish I had,

Well, I spend my nights in the city's lights and things don't seem so bad.

Ya know the movement seems to soothe me, and the tempo takes control,

and I lose my blues when the New York City rhythm fill my soul

Paparazzi of a different sort

I think this song is appropriate for those who feel the need to invade Barry's personal life, especially those who believe they have some sort of "chance" with him. I do listen to some current music, even though it's just for temporary enjoyment, but while listening to this song the other night it reminded me of those stated above. I believe it rings especially true now after all this talk of Barry selling his Malibu residence. I got a laugh out of it though. :)

Deja Vu

The past few weeks have been a very emotional experience for me in the sense that it brings back a lot of memories of things that once were, could be, and will be. This time last year I was anxiously awaiting August 27th to come as that would be the first "real" time I was going to see Barry. I can still feel that excitement and nervousness as though it was going to happen tomorrow. It's amazing how certain feelings stay with you throughout time.

I spent my days talking to my best friend about Barry and Las Vegas and wondering what was going to happen. We'd ask ourselves, will it be everything we imagined? Wonder if he'll notice us? Do you think $250 will be enough for the M store? Each day the anticipation will build and by the time mid-August rolled around I couldn't shut up about Barry and Vegas.

I remember ordering our front row tickets on June 24th and afterwards staring at the computer screen not believing I just ordered a front row seat to see Barry Manilow. Later on July 1st I remember standing in my living room getting ready to go for a walk when the UPS man arrived. I froze and my heart started to beat literally a million miles a second. My mom answered the door and signed for the package. I anxiously stood behind her asking "What is it? What is it?!" She turned around so I couldn't see what it was and once she turned back around she was smiling and she held up the tickets and said "It's 2 front row tickets to see Barry Manilow." I jumped and screamed and immediately called my best friend to tell her. She didn't pick up at first and I franctically kept trying to call her wondering where she could be. Once she finally picked up, I think I muttered something in English and ran out the door to bring her her ticket. It was halfway through the walk that I actually remembered to see where we were sitting. As I looked at the tickets I could never have even dreamt what the future had in store. When I think about that night I still feel that excitement and disbelief that everything that happened, actually happened. As I said in my review of that night, words will never properly describe my feelings towards what Barry did.

As I sit here typing almost a year later after these events, I realize that even though things have changed in many ways during the past year, the one thing or rather person that has remained constant through it all is Barry. That excitement I feel, even when just watching the 3rd TV special (obviously I watched that this morning) has never changed. I still have my "teenage" excitement of course where I feel giddy and prance around my house with a huge grin on my face. But most impotantly my love for the music has deepened in so many ways. I notice things within songs I may not have noticed a year ago and songs I didn't connect to at first are now some of my favorites.

As I think back on everything that has happened I can't help but get teary because there have been so many memories and emotions involved in this crazy ride. Many things can change in the course of a year, but some things, the things that mean most to you, will never change. :)

Is it just me?

The past few days I have been reading a lot of blogs not just on blogspot, but blogs, forums, and comments written on the Manilow Network also. Nowadays I tend to stay away from the MMN as what goes on there is appalling, but I wanted to gather a general consensus on how fans regarded Barry. I have known how he's regarded for quite a while now, but I wanted to view it from a larger spectrum. And now I'm wondering, am I the only one who looks at him as something else besides a "Sex God" or wishes to stay away from his private life because it's none of my business? Some of the things written sound as though a person my age could have written them as they are reminiscent of teenage-like fantasies and views, but in fact they are adults twice my age! Isn't there a point in life where one has to say to themselves "Oh well I think it's time to grow up." Yet some women regard him as a substitute for a void they feel in their lives and an object of their fantasies. I'd be lying if I said I do not look at Barry's physical appearance at all because I certainly do, duh...my room, but the music was what first attracted me to him, not the way he looked and the music will always play the most crucial part. We see him in concert time after time because we want to see him in the flesh and for me personally, that is the biggest thrill I get from being a fan, but during our down time is it really necessary to say certain things (you know what I mean)? Another thing I have to address is how some women revolve most of their lives around Barry. Most of the people, with the exception of a few who I regard more as family, rarely see the non-Barry part of my life, which is not only important to have, but normal. I do not speak of my personal life very often because I keep that separate from Barry. He is not my whole existance, he is part of who I am, but definitely not all of it. It is easy to tell though those who do not have a life separate from Barry. Those are the ones who spend their days on the computer, though I must feel sorry for those individuals. What I'm trying to say though is go out to the park, go to a museum, attend an art class, do something with your life because we only get one. I will not speak for Barry as I am not him and I do not know what he thinks or feels, but to me it is no coincidence he has an entourage of security guards and how heavily guarded his personal life is as well. It is because of things like this; fans who spend their days on the computer trying to find the tiniest bit of information about him or stalking his private residences, fans who publicly display their sick infatuation with him, and fans who always want something from him. All of this nonsense does not affect my feelings for Barry, but it seems as though it has affected Barry's feelings towards us, the fans. JMHO.

Happy Birthday Barry :)

I just wanted to wish Barry a very happy birthday (even though he won't read this) as it was this day 66 years ago, an amazing talent was born. I hope this day is as wonderful as you are and you continue to have many, many years full of happiness and love because you truly deserve it and I'm saying that as a fellow human being, not a fan. When you were born, an extraordinary talent was born too, one that has given us beautiful music and countless memories and I know that I am, along with many others, very grateful for that. So have an absolutely amazing birthday. :)

Here's to Las Vegas!

So it's official! I'm going back to Las Vegas!!!! Today I purchased my plane ticket...finally so it feels much more realistic. Getting this trip together has been one of the biggest tasks I have ever taken on, not only for financial reasons, but for personal reasons also. I knew I had to do this. I knew that the moment I left the Hilton nearly a year ago. There were many things standing in my way and it only made me more determined to prove to others that I would be able to pull this off. At the same time I felt it was necessary to prove to myself that I could do something for me. There have been critics telling me he's going to cancel, asking why I want to see 3 shows, and telling me there is nothing more to see, yet I have somehow taken all of this in stride and have ignored the critics. Sometimes it was easy, yet sometimes it was hard, but I never gave up, even though sometimes I felt as though I should. Many times I would remind myself why I was doing this and would tell myself that nobody would be upset but me if I didn't reach my goal. All of this may sound extreme as Vegas is a luxury most can afford, but for a 17 year old girl it's a huge undertaking. But finally it's here in my reach so it makes all the stress and tears absolutely worth it. And as you can imagine, words cannot even begin to describe how excited I am. :)

A Sad State of Affairs

I have been at a loss the past few weeks. With news of more show cancellations, fan backlash to the cancellations, random fan drama, and negativity surrounding Barry I do not know how to feel anymore. All I seem to be exposed to lately is negativity. I cannot get away from it. If there is not some sort of drama causing an uprise in the fan world, there seems to be somebody teling me how Barry did this or Barry did that and quite honestly I do not care. Lately I have really missed my pre-fan world days. I did not measure my love for Barry by how long I could prevent myself from going crazy if a fight broke out on the MMN or whether or not I cared if Barry did something unfavorable. There comes a time though when a person can only handle so much without reaching their breaking point and that time has come. The constant negativity that seems to be pushed upon me whether I want it or not, has overshadowed everything I held dear to my heart. I just do not feel the way I used to and I do not want the love I have for Barry to be tainted. I am not saying I want to live in this happy little world where Barry can do no wrong and everything is perfect, trust me that is the one thing I really despise. One of the reasons I why I love Barry is his ability to reveal his flaws. I just want to love Barry as I did before and not have breaking news of a Manilow world catastrophe interrupt.