National Honor Society Essay

Today was the National Honor Society application deadline for numeruous junior students, myself included. This was actually not as strenuous as when I applied for the National Junior Honor Society back in 8th grade. This means to me more I think though. I do not know whether I will get in--I like to think I will, but I will not set my hopes and dreams too far out of reach because that's when egotistical characteristics begin to appear. So here's the essay I wrote for the personal essay requirement of the application. It was only a page but it took me an hour and a half to write as I am a perfectionist. :)

P.S. I did steal some of it from my blog post the other day. ;)

With every sunrise there is a new day to explore with virginal eyes peeking out around the corner, unsure of what to choose their destiny and that is the ultimate sign of leadership; having a passion to expect. A new day to dirty fresh hands that yearn to discover life’s mysteries. There are no guidelines to how one should conquer the task of life. It is simply up to that one individual to live and teach others to live for the purpose of feeling the wind glide through their hair. Leadership can not be determined by an individual’s position in society or the popularity an individual possesses. A leader is determined by a person’s vigor for life and the urge to bring something extraordinary to it.

Displaying individuality in a world where harsh expectations are desired to be met can at times be arduous in the aspect that certain actions or beliefs may not be understood. Marching to the beat of a different drum is something that I have learned to cherish and love about myself because it causes me to be inventive in what I do or think. After seeing a girl come out of gym class crying one day I thought to myself, "Don't do it for the applause. It will never be enough. Make sure you're doing it because you can't stop it." I had to follow my heart and do what I believed to be right. At that moment I made a promise to myself, a promise to not follow life‘s guidelines, but my own intuition. It could change somebody's life too, not just mine. I mustered up the courage to walk over to her and ask if she was okay and offered my support. Maybe I helped a little, maybe I didn't--but I did what I felt obligated to do and I do not need a pat on the back for my actions.

Smile because it may make somebody's day, but do not expect a smile in return. Smile because you need to. Life is not that bad. It took me many years to realize this, but it is the truth. It is up to an individual to choose the path life takes and it all begins with a little bit of inspiration.

When One Door Closes, Another One Opens

It is never easy losing a friend, especially a best friend. The memories are so wonderful and the love is so strong, that it literally rips a hole right through your heart. I have lost more best friends than I wish to remember due to circumstances out of my control, but it never gets any easier. There is more that is learned as a person matures, but human emotion never fades, never making heartache any easier.

Nobody ever said being a teenager is easy, especially one as unique as I am. I am very different. I think, act, and behave differently and find peace and enjoyment from a man and an era, most do not wish to care about. Everybody is different and that is what is so beautiful about this world, but when an individual's happiness is jeopardized due to foolish and unfair actions, it should not be tolerated.

Some of you may know who I am speaking of and some of you may not. I spent one of the best days of my life with her and I will forever cherish that. People change and so do their values and sometimes the ones who were always there, are left behind. It is never easy to take the first step, but "nobody knows what you want except you, and nobody will be as sorry as you if you don't get it."

Will they ever learn...I think not

I have removed myself extensively from the Manilow world over the past few weeks. I just got fed up with all the drama and stupidity, so I made the conscious decision to not bother myself with any of the negativity anymore. For the first time in months I felt like the Barry fan I did last summer because I was not being bothered with little botherances. The drama surrounding the Manilow world had absorbed me in a way I had not noticed till one day the alarm would not stop ringing in my ears and I woke up.

I can not even fathom the disappointment people must feel concerning the cancellation of Barry's shows. I would rather him cancel then put an additional risk to his voice causing more damage. It is sometimes necessary to put the wants and needs of your own aside and just wish the best for Barry because he has already given us so much.

The thing I have trouble with is how rumors and controversy can begin so easily because of one comment being taken out of context. And that once again, not a negative thing can be said about Barry because it will tarnish this "him on a pedestal" image. It astonishes me that some fans do not realize how foolish they sound when they discuss such things. They regard Barry as some sort of robotic man that is there to only please them and give them what they want. I would be as disappointed as the next person if a show was cancelled on me, but what would I prefer--Barry taking care of himself or possibly hurting himself to please the fans? It is an easy answer and it is obvious the one I would pick.

Friends have been lost because of things taken out of context or speculation of what may have happened and it exemplifies what I have thought all along. Some Barry fans are here to beg, plead, take advantage, and brag all in order to get closer to Barry. I do not know Barry personally, nor will I ever, but as a fellow human being, I can only imagine how disgusted he must feel at times. To me, it is idiotic how people go back and forth on a forum talking about Barry like he is not human at all, but theirs to control.

So I hope Barry takes care of himself these next few days and attends to his needs. I will always love him no matter what because he is human, just like you and I.

We Live on Borrowed Time

That song lyric kept going through my head all day long today. I just could not shake off that feeling of happiness to be alive, yet sorrow that some have not been as lucky to see the light of day one more time.

Death is something I have never been able to properly deal with. It is human nature to feel negative towards the thought or feeling of death, but those occurrences are usually formed after a personal tragedy. I have never had an experience that would cause me to feel this way. I have had great-grandparents pass away and a cousin who died prematurely, but never something that affected me greatly like the loss of a child or spouse. After reading about the tragic death of actress Natasha Richardson, I was overcome with sadness--but why? I did not know her to any extent and I had only seen a few of her movies. I wondered, how does one feel an overwhelming sadness for an unknown family and a short-lived life? The only answer I have is that we as humans are all connected in some way and we all feel happiness, anger, sorrow, glee, or any other emotion because it is human instinct. It has been instilled within us to feel such emotions, so that is why humans feel the way they do at times.

When I encounter the face of death it reminds me of my own mortality and how I must live each day like it's my last. Is it really worth it to get angry over one person's foolish action or be saddened by a bad test grade? No. We live on borrowed time, so why waste it with a ball of negative feelings?

A few lines of advice that popped into my head after seeing a girl come out of gym class crying yesterday was "Don't do it for the applause. It will never be enough. Make sure you're doing it because you can't stop it." Just like the music, his words can be interpreted in many different ways. My interpretation of this advice is to follow your heart and do what you believe is right. At that moment I made a promise to myself, a promise to be caring and kind as much as possible. It could change somebody's life. So I walked over to her and asked if she was okay and offered my support. Maybe I helped a little, maybe I didn't--but I did what I felt obligated to do and I do not need a pat on the back for my actions. Today I repeated my acts of kindness, even to people I do not particularly care for. The message I am trying to convey is to just smile because it may make somebody's day, but do not expect a smile in return. Smile because you need to. Life is not that bad. It took me many years to realize this, but it is the truth. These are all things I have learned from Barry. :)

Busy, busy, busy

So finally I have the chance to sit down and catch my breath after an extremely busy, but very fun weekend.

First off I must say I adore little kids, especially little girls. People have always told me I have a special way with kids, which was evident because as soon as I walked in the door of my mom friend's house, I was greeted by two bouncy and adorable little girls that had drew me pictures with "I love you Bekah" written on them. Mind you, they had never even met me before. What made my night worthwhile was the events that followed. While I was sitting coloring with one of the girls, the little 3 year old girl sat staring at my bracelet. I saw her staring so I asked her "Do you know who that is?" She shook her head no, so I said, "That's Barry Manilow."

"What does he do?"

"He's a very talented musician."

She then continued to look at my bracelet and laid on the floor looking at all the different links on it. My bracelet has a few pictures of Barry and then song titles in case you were wondering what this bracelet was all about.

The 3 year old was dancing around the playroom listening to the radio, singing along to current songs I didn't even know. Right then and there I decided I was going to have to expose these kids to quality music.

I sat through the TV show "iCarly" which actually wasn't too bad, but half way through the 2nd episode I asked them if they wanted to watch some Barry Manilow after the show was over. They both said sure. I had brought the Copacabana movie DVD with me, but their DVD player was from Mars or something and I couldn't get the picture to display on the screen. I stood there thinking what to do and I said "You wanna listen to some Barry?" They both exclaimed yes enthusiastically so I got out my iPod, which they were also amazed by. Maria, the 3 year old was amazed by my bracelet still and had to have asked what each song title was about 50 times, no joke.

I gave each girl a headphone and I played different songs for them switching from slower to upbeat so they wouldn't get bored. At one point they both leaned thie heads against me and just listened to Barry. It was one of the cutest things. Giulia, the older girl said she wanted both headphones and Maria said she wanted both also, so we decided the would take turns. Both of them would pick a song from my bracelet and would listen to the whole song and then switch. While Giulia would be listening, Maria was walking around in my high heeled boots. They really had me cracking up the whole night especially when Giulia told me about "Aidan" her little obyfriend who is just so, so, so, so, so, so cute she can barely stand it. Little kids are so adorable sometimes.

And oh yeah, I got piad $45 for the night which went right into the "Barry Manilow Really Amazing Seat Fund" as soon as I walked into my room.

Yesterday I also got to meet my 3 month old cousin, Max for the first time. My uncle at one point handed him to me while he was crying his little head off and so I'm just walking around bouncing him lightly up and down and guess who got him to fall asleep after 15 minutes? I also got $70 yesterday in checks yesterday from people I hadn't seen for my birthday, so I got a little over enough money for 2 tickets now. I'm so, so, so happy.

I'm really proud of my childcare accomplishments this weekend though. It was a very tiring weekend as I walked into school half asleep, but it was all worth it because I'm even closer to Barry now. :)

Walking down memory lane...quite literally

Today I felt the daunting need to take a walk and just think things through. Lately my mind has been a cloud of confusion brought on by various situations--so sometimes I just need to stop and remember what is important in life. What I needed most was the music.

I put on my Barry jacket, searched high and low for my ipod which was trapped under my bed covers and walked out into the brisk March air. I usually turn right to walk down my street, but I saw my old childhood crush fiddling with his car so I turned right around and walked the other way. Ever since his my former crush's brother told him I had a crush on him in 6th grade, I've been too embarassed to even look at him. It has always intrigued me how things like that stay with you, which seemed to be the theme of my walk.

"Ready to Take a Chance Again" was the first song that popped up on the screen. I swear sometimes my ipod can read my mind because it'll play songs that coincide with how I am feeling at that exact moment. I started walking up the hill ,looking at the sky just thinking as Barry sung about willing to take a risk and believing in what is right. I do not perceive all of this love songs to necessarily be about love. Barry has said those words himself when talking about "Somewhere Down the Road." It is all in the way you want to hear it.

I walked past a little girl on a bike racing around her driveway. I looked at her and smiled. I still see that little girl in me sometimes.

I turned the corner and as I did "One Voice" started playing. Listening to songs such as this one sometimes gives me the push I need to figure things out and get my act together. It is amazing what music can do. I walked along just thinking about where I have been and who I am. It is important for me to know who I am and where I am going because if I do not, I feel like I am in maze that has no exit.

I continued to walk along looking at weathered houses I have looked at for years. Sometimes I think things look different and have changed drastically--but the truth is I am the one who has changed. I realized that the last time I had taken this path was the day before I left for Las Vegas. I had seen so many things, been so many places, and had so many unforgettable experiences. I had forgotten about the simple walk I used to take. I had become so caught up in a world I was not always comfortable with that I forgot what was important. Just the little things like listening to Barry and taking a walk through my neighborhood. It is easy to paint a house or put up a fence and siguise it to look differently. It is possible to do the same with a person, but it is hard to disguise unless that person really believes it. My surroundings would always be the same but me as a person would not.

Walking back from the hightop view of the beach "(I've Had) The Time of My Life" was the next song to play. I had let the music go for too long and became focused on a world soaked in fantasy. At that moment there was nothing but the memories and the road ahead of me taking me wherever I choose to go.

Excitedly exclaiming the night before that I finally got the "All the Time" sequence from the Second TV Special reminded me of the Barry fan I am and that I had missed being--an enthusiastic teenage girl on her way to discovering what this whole journey means.

What I don't understand

It is no secret I love and adore Barry. He is my inspiration, my idol, and my crush. I love everything about him, flaws included. The reason why I have always been attracted to his imperfections is because it makes seem human, rather than a celebrity. Since he can admit that he is not perfect nor will he ever be, it has made me grow more accustomed to accepting my own flaws. It is just one of the many things I have learned from Barry.

It hurts me very much when I feel as though I am limited to what I can and can not say because it may offend some. I am a very opinionated person and I have been for as long as I can remember. I always speak my mind because sometimes people need to hear a different opinion rather the truth people want to hear with all the rainbows and unicorns prancing around.

I would never ever hurt Barry in anyway in a million years. I have got in to heated arguments with non-Barry people in defense of him and I have vowed never to go to Palm Springs because I just do not want to seem like a stalker. There is no reason for me to have to prove my love for Barry because as long as I know it is there that is all that matters.

One of things that I just can not seem to understand though sometimes is how you can not say a single negative thing about Barry without being criticized for it. People forget he is not perfect emotionally, mentally, or physically. It is something everybody is exposed to at some point in their life--the truth of not being perfect. Tabloids publishing a false story is different from a mature, controlled conversation. Saying something false about Barry's health is different from voicing your concern about him. Everybody is entitled to their own opinion even if it different from mine. Just do not tell me what I should or should not say because it may not be the same as yours.

I believe some people do not want to hear any negativity about Barry and would rather live in their happy world with the rainbows and unicorns. If that is what you want to do so be it, it is not my decision to make. Things are just taken out of context and too literally.

If we all thought the same thing this would be a very dull and boring world, but sometime it is just better to not say anything at all. Not because your opinion does not matter because it will cause everything to be more than it should.

I will always love Barry, regardless of what he does or who he is. I just like having some fun with him as he probably does the same in regards to the fans.

I'm going out of my mind

I found out many months ago that I do not deal well with what I call "Barry Stress." This is stress I associate with buying Barry tickets, planning a trip to go see him, or being in the process of about to see him. I do not deal well with any of these aspects of "Barry Stress" and I drive myself, along with everybody else around me crazy because of it. I nearly blew a gasket both times I bought Barry show tickets and freaked out up until the point I saw him in person.

I want to go to Las Vegas in August more than words can properly say. It is all I think about when my mind can focus on something besides school and I know it is in my grasp, but I just do not know how to grab it entirely. I have over half of my ticket money saved for 3 nights of shows, know I can somehow can airfare money within the next several months, and may have hotel paid for because of my wonderfully, kind aunt. It's just getting there that poses a problem. Hopefully my mom still loves me enough to take me or let me tag along with my aunt. I'm just beyond stressed about this. I just wish I could book the whole trip right now. Unfortunately I live in a world where I did not win the $212 mega million jackpot last night so I must work and beg to see the man I so adore.

I just needed to get this all out. Now I must take a nap to clear my mind.

But good news--I was asked to apply for the National Honor Society and must go to some meeting tomorrow for it!!! I was in the National Junior Honor Society and didn't think I would even be considered for this. I'm always surprising myself.

I have a couple of blog ideas floating around in my head so stay tuned! :)

Sweet Life

So I have decided to start one of these neat little blog things instead of writing on the MMN because it'll make it more personal and it'll eliminate the possibility of some unwanted comments on my posts.

My first post will be about "Sweet Life."

The past few days I have had to put Barry on hold and have not had time to focus on him as much. It always bothers me when I must do this because I do not even have time for the music. The music is what keeps me going when I may not have time to sit down and watch a DVD or even think about him. So not having time to just sit and get lost in the music is an inconvenience of sorts. I will admit, I had a dream Sunday night that startled me and made me reevaluate where I want life to lead me in my 17th year of life. One of my first thoughts always when it comes to anything is "Will I have Barry?" or "Will he still be there?" It's a natural reaction I've become accustomed to having. It's not that I'm obsessed with him every moment of my existance, he's just become such an influential part of my life that knowing he'll be there comforts me--if that makes any sense. Because of this dream I had to make a decision for my future self. Would I always have Barry be a part of my life regardless of who comes into my life? The answer was yes. It is hard to explain exactly what I felt, but I really did have to think about my future and Barry. Some dreams just scare me because they're so realistic and I can never be sure if they are a look into the future. I decided to put listening to Barry or watching Barry or just doing anything Barry related for another time. I had watched some of the "Ultimate Manilow" DVD later that night, but my eyes were soon collapsing in on me and I was finding it difficult to keep them open.

Today in study hall I looked over my Journalism outline for the editiorial I'm writing about today's music opposed to Barry's musical era. Barry is also one of my main examples. I decided I would not need to begin writing my article till next period, so I had a whole period to myself. I had brought "Sweet Life" in my bag just in case I had extra time throughout the day to read, so I thought I'd continue reading the book for the 3rd time.

Besides "Sweet Life" there was only one book when I was younger that I would read over and over again. To me, there was never a purpose in re-reading a book. I got what I wanted from it and that was it. It would only be a distant memory and a possible family party topic in the future. "Sweet Life" is different. Each time I read it, I read something new even though I have already read those very words before. I believe it is the willingness to listen to what he says and the current view on life the reader possesses that makes things noticeable that were hiding in the shadows previously. One night last week when I decided to pick up the book again I decided I'd leave post-it-notes with my thoughts of certain passages as a memento to my future self. By reading in such depth, I have been able to see myself in him more times than I first thought. Is it because his inspiration has made me emulate him or was I this way all along? It's too late to tell, but the passion he has for life made me oblivious to the loud noise and rowdy boys in my study hall today. I did not even hear them. I felt like I was sitting there listening to him speak, like an old friend would speak to you. I was not fantasizing about him being there, I just got lost in what he had to say because he reminds you of things you were never able to. As ilooked up and saw the period would soon be ending I felt refreshed and energized. I just needed a little Manilow break because the hustle and bustle of the day sometimes makes you forget about the good things in life. :)