Atlantic City

Last week my family and I took a trip to the Jersey Shore for the week where we explored new places and tried different things. I think that is always the basis of a vacation--well to me anyway. But some things will never change, like how I can always find a little bit of Barry everywhere.

As I was getting ready to take a day trip with my parents down to Atlantic City, I remembered there were handprints of Barry's somewhere along the four mile stretch of boardwalk. The only problem was, I didn't quite know where it was. Once we arrived to Atlantic City and walked along the boardwalk for a bit, we stumbled upon an information center where we asked about a place that would have "famous people's" handprints. The gentlemen told us it was located at Resorts and I got all excited and ran out looking for the hotel. As we got closer, I started to walk a little bit faster though I knew the handprints weren't going anywhere. Anyway, when we found his handprints I did my little excited dance and jumped up and down in attempt to reach his handprints as they are up pretty high and I'm not exactly tall. It's been a while though since I've had some sort of Barry excitement and though it was just his handprints from almost 30 years ago, it made my day. Sometimes the little things are all I need to put a smile on my face.

Keepsakes

Keepsakes or rather "things" at times may be seen only as tangible objects that can easily be broken or destroyed. Individuals sometimes look down upon a worn out doll or a beaten up baseball glove because they no longer have any purpose or use. They sit on a shelf collecting dust and serve as hourglasses to show how much time has passed. Keepsakes are much more than the stereotypes bestowed upon them, they are memories of times that once were and offer a free smile when life can at times be cruel. Each keepsake is part of one's story.

Earlier this evening while watching a documentary with my dad about his favorite football team, he would blurt out things here and there that would remind him of something from years past or how he had a certain item that is considered "historical" to the football world. It may not have been my "thing" per say, but I understood what he meant by having certain keepsakes because they serve as a representation of an event or time that is unable to be brought back.

When arriving to our seats at my first Barry concert, we were left two 5 x7 ads promoting Barry's then new Christmas CD, "In the Swing of Christmas." It has always puzzled me how I saved those two small ads though I was not a fan in anyway. Perhaps I kept them for my friend or wanted to make an entry in my life story. Either way, I stuck them in my bag and over a year and a half later one still hangs up on my magnetic board as a reminder of that night and one is in my scrapbook of life along with my ticket stub. Though they may just be pieces of paper that can be ripped as easily as one breathes, they serve as keepsakes of a night I did not realize would change my life.

Over time I have collected far more meaningful and valuable keepsakes such as the Barry autograph I got in person or the photo of Barry shaking my hand, but sometimes it's those small reminders that make you stop and remember just why you're a Barry Manilow fan.

He did it again...

Sitting in my bedroom after a long day of festivities and excitement, I was comforted by the memories I had made only a few hours earlier. I could not help but smile as I recalled that rush of adrenaline that flows through my body when watching Barry work his craft in such a new and exciting way that it seems as though the familiar songs I love, are in fact foreign. With each performance comes a memory I will always cherish and with each memory my love and amazement for the musician and performer Barry is only grows stronger.

I sat there in pure amazement as I watched him, it really is indescribable the feeling that accompanies Barry's performances. It is that feeling I experience when I cannot believe he is actually in front of me when seeing him in concert or elsewhere. Though he was not in front of me in person, the magic he is able to bring forth through his music and his electrifying stage presence, it feels as though he is.

People have always asked me why I would want to see him in concert as often as I do, as he sings the same songs and it all seems the same. The truth is, it is not. With each performance he seems to reinvent familiar songs such as "It's a Miracle" or "This One's For You." To me it is a mystery to how he does it, but when watching the opening medley last night, it felt as though I was seeing him perform those songs for the first time. Perhaps it was the beautiful symphony accompanying him or the occasion he was performing for, but whatever it was it had an impact on me that made me realize why I am truly a fan of his. It always has been and will always be his ability to make you "feel" something. He made those songs into patriotic themes rather than love songs. Each song became a song of hope, something that cannot be easily done with songs such as "Somewhere in the Night."

The moment though that truly took my breath away was "Let Freedom Ring." I have seen videos of him performing that song in the past such as President Clinton's inauguration, but never like this. With the combination of the fireworks encircling the Washington Monument and Barry's compelling patriotic theme, I was truly speechless. I sat there stunned for a few minutes after he had left the stage because the music was just so beautiful and left you thinking for a moment because the message of the song speaks volumes. I believe it was apparent through his performance how thrilled he was to have a whole symphony playing the very notes he wrote and how honored he was to be performing at a place with such symbolic scenary surrounding him.

This was a truly astounding performance that perhaps even made some people look at him again as something else besides some "cheesy romantic." Who knows, but I know that he never ceases to amaze me. Through performances like this I am reminded why his music captured my heart over a year and a half ago. He makes you forget the bad, remember the good, and most of all learn that music will always be a part of you.

Put Your Records On

Today I did something I wish I got to do more often--lay in bed and listen to Barry on my record player. Of course not feeling well was the perfect excuse to lay in bed for hours at a time, but I digress. Hearing his voice radiate from the speakers of my pink record player was such a calming influence that at one point I started to drift off into the land of sleep like a baby may do with a soft lullaby. I felt so at peace...nothing could bother me.

Everytime I listen to my collection of records I always recall the first time I ever got a Barry record which was purely coincidental. I remember I had gone to a thrift store with my mom as she needed to look for something or along those lines and I was wandering around the store when I began to wonder if they had records. So I went around the store searching for even the slightest sign of records when I found a whole aisle towards the back dedicated to the very dusty and out-dated form of music. I stood there looking through each stack meticulously, hoping for some sign of a Barry record. There were certainly a lot of Engelbert Humperdinck and Barbra Streisand records but no Barry. I had almost given up when my eye caught a red cover and when I pulled it out I realized it was "Tryin' To Get the Feeling." The record wasn't in the best condition but I didn't care. I looked at it as if it were covered in gold. At the time I didn't even own a record player, but I had to have it. I bought it with my own money and to this day I still have it, though I have since bought another "Tryin' To Get the Feeling" record in better condition. I will never part with it though as it's part of my story and those things always mean the most.

*The picture is really a picture of my actual record player though "Here Comes the Night" is currently on it. :)*

Barry's got some "good news" in his pocket

I felt so spoiled on Friday with the release of a new vault song, a heartwarming and beautiful letter from Barry that had great news in it, and the clip from the 1984 AMA even though it was shown for a somber reason. I had not felt, as I call it "Manilow overload" excitement in quite a while as things have been fairly quiet. Events like this make a sometimes boring day into a thrilling and exciting one.

"Nature Boy" sung by little (or as I say wittle) Barry was too adorable for words. I giggled in excitement and smiled when thinking about how this may just have been the time "he finally sung something" for grandpa and actually liked it. It was so nice getting a song from "the vault" after 9 months of waiting. Barry definitely spoiled us with that one, at least I think he did. It was much appreciated it though. And then that letter, I had never been so excited in my life to read something from him. I think it was because of a culmination of things; the effects of the death of Michael Jackson, not hearing anything from him in quite a while in general, and just some personal things that made it oh so good to read something from him in his own words. It's funny too because I can almost hear how he'd be reading the letter out loud if he were to. Though I have my opinions on certain parts of the letter, it was such a wonderful gesture of him to enclose a heartfelt letter with such a wonderful song.

And I am so beyond excited for the new original album. I jumped up from my chair and jumped and screamed in excitement when I read he was finally working on it. Since I have only been a fan for a year and a half, I have never been around for the release of brand new material so I am so excited for the day in the future when I can run out to the music store and buy it. The concept sounds very interesting too and I'm interested to see what Barry's take on "rock" will be. It will probably be more so soft rock than heavy metal, but he has only briefly tried guitar driven songs now and then in songs like "Flashy Lady." I think this album has the chance of being a breakthrough album in his career because when he tries new things they always seem to be the ones that are most highly praised. I have complete confidence in him that he will pull this off in a beautiful way, though as he said he has his doubts. Who doesn't have doubts though when diving into something new? It shows he's human. This summer really does feel like last. Waiting for future shows, a new album, and having a vault song. It's nice. :)

Michael Jackson 1958-2009

"It doesn't seem possible. How could Michael Jackson not be with us? This experience is surreal. He was one of the most gifted and original talents the world has ever known. He inspired a generation of young people and amazed the rest of the world. There has never been anyone like him. There will never be another Michael Jackson. I can't wrap my mind around this terrible news."
-Barry Manilow

I don't think there's one person on this planet who has not at least heard of Michael Jackson's name. Whether that person knew him for his music or for the weird antics he was became famous for, people knew him because of the one thing that affects us all: music.

When I heard the news of Michael Jackson's passing I was in complete shock. I had been eating dinner at my kitchen counter while watching the news and the anchors had announced MJ had gone into cardiac arrest. Like many, I shrugged it off and thought this was just another weird chapter in his story. I continued to watch the news and at around 6:40 (EST) they began to talk to TMZ. As they were talking to TMZ, the representative from TMZ turned around and when he faced the camera again there was a complete look of shock etched on his face. The announcement was then made Michael Jackson was dead at the age of 50. At that moment, the face of music would be changed forever.

No matter what one thought of him, the truth is that he had one of the most profound impacts on music in the history of the music industry. Everybody at some point has danced to "Thriller" or has blasted the radio while "Beat It" pulsated through the speakers. Though I would not classify myself as a fan, I remember listening to the "Thriller" album growing up as my mom loves that album. I even recall listening to that album and dancing to "Thriller" at my 16th birthday party. No matter what age, gender, race, etc. one is, many have even the smallest memories of a time MJ filled their ears with music. He might have been weird and oddly mysterious, but at times like this, it is important to remember the good rather than the bad.

Earlier today while reading a friend's blog, I learned that Barry was a part of a "Merit Award" dedication to MJ at the 1984 American Music Awards. Barry performed "Ben" and "I'll Be There" and after performing there wasn't a dry eye in the theater...even MJ shed a tear behind those famous dark sunglasses. When reading this it made me feel fortunate to know that Barry is still around to give us what I hope is years of beautiful music, even if one day he chose to stop performing. Parents, siblings, children, friends, and fans will now only be able to draw from the past, as MJ will never get the chance to keep doing what he loved. Tragedies like this remind us time and time again that in reality "we live on borrowed time."

Negativity is a vile word

There are too options in life: viewing the glass half full or viewing it as half empty. Lately, most have been viewing it as half empty and it's quite depressing. I mean in life you have to take risks otherwise life would be so dull and boring. I do on occasion worry about spending a vast amount of money for shows that cannot be guaranteed, but I'm not going to stop my life just because of what has happened in the past and what could happen in the future. If Barry were to cancel on me I would be very upset but I would know I'd see him again and that my trip could always be rescheduled even though there'd be some stress involved. There are worse things in life, yet people tend to forget that. The one thing I've been told time and time again is that things will be okay, yet those who preach don't always follow through. I am so tired of the constant negativity whether it's from drama related things or the whole Manilow world freaking out because another show was cancelled. And I want to make it clear I do care about the cancellations because many people close to me have been affected by them so I do care deeply about it, but my point is that there two ways to go about this. Know you will see him again or in sit in your puddle of misery. It's your choice.

New York City

From a young age I have always been mesmerized by the brisk motion and ongoing activity New York City provides. The city (as us New Yorkers call it) holds so many memories that have partly shaped the individual I am today because my future lies within the streets of New York.

Yesterday as I visited the city for what seems like the millionth time in my life, that burst of excitement rushed through my body as if I was a first time visitor. Nothing compares with coming over the hill on the expressway and seeing the city skyline within reach. At that moment I know I am home. When looking at the looming skyline I often remember my first memorable city experience at when I was 6. My grandparents took me to the Empire State Building and I remember leaning against the metal barrier looking down at the taxis which seemed like toys a child may play with. To a 6 year old nothing else can offer that sort of amazement. I still have the snow globe from that trip sitting on a shelf too. I then recall my first visit to Rockefeller Centre during Christmas time and learning to ice skate there in front of that gigantic, but majestic Christmas tree. To this day I love being able to tell people I learned how to ice skate at Rockefeller Centre at 8 years old. Then of course standing outside in the freezing cold wind waiting for Barry to arrive at the Good Morning America studio. That is certainly a day that will remain as one of my most memorable city experiences.

As I was leaving Brooklyn later that night I could not help but feel a pang of sadness. The city skyline at night to me is one of the most breathtaking sights in the world. My eyes just never seem to be able to leave the daunting electricity that seems to submerge the city at night. I never want to leave and that pang of sadness was me not wanting to leave what sometimes feels like home.

It really is true when Barry says:

When my heart is torn apart by love I wish I had,

Well, I spend my nights in the city's lights and things don't seem so bad.

Ya know the movement seems to soothe me, and the tempo takes control,

and I lose my blues when the New York City rhythm fill my soul

Paparazzi of a different sort

I think this song is appropriate for those who feel the need to invade Barry's personal life, especially those who believe they have some sort of "chance" with him. I do listen to some current music, even though it's just for temporary enjoyment, but while listening to this song the other night it reminded me of those stated above. I believe it rings especially true now after all this talk of Barry selling his Malibu residence. I got a laugh out of it though. :)

Deja Vu

The past few weeks have been a very emotional experience for me in the sense that it brings back a lot of memories of things that once were, could be, and will be. This time last year I was anxiously awaiting August 27th to come as that would be the first "real" time I was going to see Barry. I can still feel that excitement and nervousness as though it was going to happen tomorrow. It's amazing how certain feelings stay with you throughout time.

I spent my days talking to my best friend about Barry and Las Vegas and wondering what was going to happen. We'd ask ourselves, will it be everything we imagined? Wonder if he'll notice us? Do you think $250 will be enough for the M store? Each day the anticipation will build and by the time mid-August rolled around I couldn't shut up about Barry and Vegas.

I remember ordering our front row tickets on June 24th and afterwards staring at the computer screen not believing I just ordered a front row seat to see Barry Manilow. Later on July 1st I remember standing in my living room getting ready to go for a walk when the UPS man arrived. I froze and my heart started to beat literally a million miles a second. My mom answered the door and signed for the package. I anxiously stood behind her asking "What is it? What is it?!" She turned around so I couldn't see what it was and once she turned back around she was smiling and she held up the tickets and said "It's 2 front row tickets to see Barry Manilow." I jumped and screamed and immediately called my best friend to tell her. She didn't pick up at first and I franctically kept trying to call her wondering where she could be. Once she finally picked up, I think I muttered something in English and ran out the door to bring her her ticket. It was halfway through the walk that I actually remembered to see where we were sitting. As I looked at the tickets I could never have even dreamt what the future had in store. When I think about that night I still feel that excitement and disbelief that everything that happened, actually happened. As I said in my review of that night, words will never properly describe my feelings towards what Barry did.

As I sit here typing almost a year later after these events, I realize that even though things have changed in many ways during the past year, the one thing or rather person that has remained constant through it all is Barry. That excitement I feel, even when just watching the 3rd TV special (obviously I watched that this morning) has never changed. I still have my "teenage" excitement of course where I feel giddy and prance around my house with a huge grin on my face. But most impotantly my love for the music has deepened in so many ways. I notice things within songs I may not have noticed a year ago and songs I didn't connect to at first are now some of my favorites.

As I think back on everything that has happened I can't help but get teary because there have been so many memories and emotions involved in this crazy ride. Many things can change in the course of a year, but some things, the things that mean most to you, will never change. :)

Is it just me?

The past few days I have been reading a lot of blogs not just on blogspot, but blogs, forums, and comments written on the Manilow Network also. Nowadays I tend to stay away from the MMN as what goes on there is appalling, but I wanted to gather a general consensus on how fans regarded Barry. I have known how he's regarded for quite a while now, but I wanted to view it from a larger spectrum. And now I'm wondering, am I the only one who looks at him as something else besides a "Sex God" or wishes to stay away from his private life because it's none of my business? Some of the things written sound as though a person my age could have written them as they are reminiscent of teenage-like fantasies and views, but in fact they are adults twice my age! Isn't there a point in life where one has to say to themselves "Oh well I think it's time to grow up." Yet some women regard him as a substitute for a void they feel in their lives and an object of their fantasies. I'd be lying if I said I do not look at Barry's physical appearance at all because I certainly do, duh...my room, but the music was what first attracted me to him, not the way he looked and the music will always play the most crucial part. We see him in concert time after time because we want to see him in the flesh and for me personally, that is the biggest thrill I get from being a fan, but during our down time is it really necessary to say certain things (you know what I mean)? Another thing I have to address is how some women revolve most of their lives around Barry. Most of the people, with the exception of a few who I regard more as family, rarely see the non-Barry part of my life, which is not only important to have, but normal. I do not speak of my personal life very often because I keep that separate from Barry. He is not my whole existance, he is part of who I am, but definitely not all of it. It is easy to tell though those who do not have a life separate from Barry. Those are the ones who spend their days on the computer, though I must feel sorry for those individuals. What I'm trying to say though is go out to the park, go to a museum, attend an art class, do something with your life because we only get one. I will not speak for Barry as I am not him and I do not know what he thinks or feels, but to me it is no coincidence he has an entourage of security guards and how heavily guarded his personal life is as well. It is because of things like this; fans who spend their days on the computer trying to find the tiniest bit of information about him or stalking his private residences, fans who publicly display their sick infatuation with him, and fans who always want something from him. All of this nonsense does not affect my feelings for Barry, but it seems as though it has affected Barry's feelings towards us, the fans. JMHO.

Happy Birthday Barry :)

I just wanted to wish Barry a very happy birthday (even though he won't read this) as it was this day 66 years ago, an amazing talent was born. I hope this day is as wonderful as you are and you continue to have many, many years full of happiness and love because you truly deserve it and I'm saying that as a fellow human being, not a fan. When you were born, an extraordinary talent was born too, one that has given us beautiful music and countless memories and I know that I am, along with many others, very grateful for that. So have an absolutely amazing birthday. :)

Here's to Las Vegas!

So it's official! I'm going back to Las Vegas!!!! Today I purchased my plane ticket...finally so it feels much more realistic. Getting this trip together has been one of the biggest tasks I have ever taken on, not only for financial reasons, but for personal reasons also. I knew I had to do this. I knew that the moment I left the Hilton nearly a year ago. There were many things standing in my way and it only made me more determined to prove to others that I would be able to pull this off. At the same time I felt it was necessary to prove to myself that I could do something for me. There have been critics telling me he's going to cancel, asking why I want to see 3 shows, and telling me there is nothing more to see, yet I have somehow taken all of this in stride and have ignored the critics. Sometimes it was easy, yet sometimes it was hard, but I never gave up, even though sometimes I felt as though I should. Many times I would remind myself why I was doing this and would tell myself that nobody would be upset but me if I didn't reach my goal. All of this may sound extreme as Vegas is a luxury most can afford, but for a 17 year old girl it's a huge undertaking. But finally it's here in my reach so it makes all the stress and tears absolutely worth it. And as you can imagine, words cannot even begin to describe how excited I am. :)

A Sad State of Affairs

I have been at a loss the past few weeks. With news of more show cancellations, fan backlash to the cancellations, random fan drama, and negativity surrounding Barry I do not know how to feel anymore. All I seem to be exposed to lately is negativity. I cannot get away from it. If there is not some sort of drama causing an uprise in the fan world, there seems to be somebody teling me how Barry did this or Barry did that and quite honestly I do not care. Lately I have really missed my pre-fan world days. I did not measure my love for Barry by how long I could prevent myself from going crazy if a fight broke out on the MMN or whether or not I cared if Barry did something unfavorable. There comes a time though when a person can only handle so much without reaching their breaking point and that time has come. The constant negativity that seems to be pushed upon me whether I want it or not, has overshadowed everything I held dear to my heart. I just do not feel the way I used to and I do not want the love I have for Barry to be tainted. I am not saying I want to live in this happy little world where Barry can do no wrong and everything is perfect, trust me that is the one thing I really despise. One of the reasons I why I love Barry is his ability to reveal his flaws. I just want to love Barry as I did before and not have breaking news of a Manilow world catastrophe interrupt.

Somewhere Down the Road

I know I haven't posted anything in a while, but life sometimes gets in the way of things and then before ya know it it's almost June.

Lately I've been listening to "Somewhere Down the Road" a lot and I mean A LOT. All those months ago when I first heard this song, I never connected to it. Even though I knew it was not necessarily about a romantic relationship falling apart and two people moving on from that relationship, I just had no reason to connect with that song. But certain songs I believe lay dormant in the back of one's mind and when one may need it, it's there to listen to. And that's what happened to me.

The first time I ever took this song seriously was back in August when I saw Barry perform it live. Though at the time I may have been more in shock when Barry grabbed a stool and put it right in front of me but I digress. Since he performed it with very little instrumentals and at one point, acapella, it gave the song a new emotional meaning as more is sometimes exposed when a song is stripped down. A person is more vulnerable in silence or a quieter setting because more people are listening, the same goes for a performer and their music. I don't know if any of this makes sense because it's so difficult to put into words, but that song spoke volumes to me, even months later in February. It still does.

As I rode the bus coming home from school it came up in my Barry shuffle on my iPod and I knew I had to listen to it, especially after today. There's a reason why I connect to this song so deeply now and like people, music comes into our lives at certain times--it's never a coincidence. Even though the reason is for me to know, I will say this--no matter what life ever throws your way, music will always save the day. :)

Greek Theatre

So yesterday I got the highly anticipated Greek Theatre DVD and 1978 tour program in the mail. It could not have come at a better time. Life can sometimes get rough and just something as simple as getting a Barry package can brighten up the day--well my day anyway. :) I was not expecting the package to come so soon, so when I opened the mailbox and saw it in there, I jumped and screamed and quickly ran into the house to open it up. Once I ripped the envelope open, I went through the program and was like a kid in a candy store looking at all the pictures. While I may not have been alive during the 70s to remember all of this when it actually happened, I do have memories of my own concerning 70s Barry in general and specifically the Greek Theatre show. Like when I borrowed a Barry tape from my local library one time and was dumbfounded when I saw the Copa performance from the Greek. (Ya know when he does that very close dance with Reparata.) Or how I was obsessed with the opening song "Here We Go Again" for a good 3 weeks. They may be similar memories fans have from the first time they saw it--the only difference is I made mine 30 years later.

I reserved my Friday night for Barry (I usually do anyway as I'm so glad the week is over) to watch the DVD and to just have some quality Barry time. As the concert appeared on my TV screen I remembered to put on my vintage '78 Tour Barry shirt to get the "full experience." So I put it on and sat back down on my bed and just watched with awe. I laughed when he talked about the people being up in the trees, smiled when he would turn around and have this certain look on his face, I had tears rolling down my face when he sang "All the Time," and reminisced about how many times I had done this before, but how the feelings have always remained constant. It is truly amazing. :)

A Musical Send off

A few days ago I attended a memorial service for the man who was basically responsible for sending me to Australia almost 2 years ago. It was a religious service so I was not that into it for personal reasons, but there was one part of the service that really struck me and made me think. During a eulogy given by his son, his son spoke of how his father had passed away listening to his favorite opera music. He had put the iPod headphones in his father's ears and his father peacefully drifted away to wherever you go once you pass away. I thought to myself
"How perfect is that?" Even though you are dying and you will no longer be biologically a part of this Earth, listening to the music you love--to me there is no better way to move on. It just goes to show how greatly music impacts human nature, even till the very end. Just a thought for today. :)

:)

I must say how truly proud I am of Barry and how honored I am to be able to call myself a fan of his work and an admirer of the man he is. Every time I see another article or picture having to do with the Manilow Music Project or another charitable event involving him, I am just overcome with joy. So many people today, well people my age, idolize the wrong people. Whether it's models who don't eat, celebrities who set a poor example, or an athlete using steroids. Barry though is an example of a normal guy with a high profile job who just wants to make a difference in the world because he feels he needs to. And it comes from the heart and never for the applause. I just wanted to say how proud I was of him. My family and friends won't be hearing the end of it this week...I tend to brag about how great he is. hehe. :)

Never Gonna Give You Up

Sitting in gym class today I looked at the people around me laughing, smiling, gossiping, and doing whatever else entails when the word "teenager" is used to describe a person's place in life. I felt more out of place than I had ever felt. A culmination of things may have caused me to feel this way, but me letting go of who I really was, was no doubt the catalyst for my emotions. This past weekend I began hanging out with a few people I have been friendly with for a while, but have never really hung out with. It felt wonderful to have friends, but driving in the car with them blasting R&B and hip hop "music" and acting like idiotic individuals made me feel fake and went against everything I believe in. I felt as though I was cheating myself and I did not like it. Most of all, I was made to feel ashamed for loving Barry and I believed it. Of course, I do not believe it nor will I ever, but in that moment I did. I had succumbed to life's expectations and I saw how even when we think we have it all figured out, we sometimes do not. I also do not want to give off the connotation that I stopped loving Barry because I did not, I just felt shame.

Later that night, I had a dream, more like a nightmare, one that was the wake up call I needed. The wake up call that said "What the hell are you doing? Don't you dare change." I had a dream Barry died. I do not know what exactly it all meant, but somehow I think it symbolized who I was because Barry is a very special part of my life. And that a part of me was going to symbolically die if I pretended my goofy, weird, Barry-loving self did not exist. So even though I did go out later that night with my friends, I spent the day running around outside listening to Barry, selling things of mine at my garage sale to save up for Barry, and telling people with a little smile when they asked if my copy of Sweet Life was for sell--"I would never give up Barry."

What I'm trying to say is, stay true to yourself--it's much more fun that way. :)

Photo courtesy of Teresa Qunta

Just A Thought

Have you ever stopped and just taken a break from the craziness life creates at times? It is sometimes difficult to relax and take in the passing clouds and distant planes as you lay on the mushy ground. But when you do--it is pure perfection.

Since I am off from school this week due to Spring Break, I have spent the last three days listening to my huge stack of Barry records. I have said this before, but listening to an LP gives me a different feeling than a CD can. LPs have this pure, untouched sound to them which impacts me in a way current technology at times can not. I admit, it has been a couple of months since I have sat down and really absorbed myself in each note and lyric of hidden gems like "Sandra" or "If I Should Love Again." It is not that I haven't listened to him because I do every single day, but the times where I sit down and just get lost in the music are sometimes few and far between as school and teenage expectations get in the way. So I decided that this week I would take the time to do what I love most--relish the part of me I love.

Listening to these albums has been a very emotional experience. Each song brings back a memory regardless of whether the memory has a situation connected to it or I just remember the first time I heard that particular song and it touched me the way it still does today. Like when I listened to "One Voice, "I had chills running up and down my spine at the sound of Barry's multiple voices blended together creating a vocal orchestra. So many flashbacks race through my mind just at the mention of that one song and that's only one song. There are so many others and so many memories. Ever since I came to love Barry, I have always been amazed at how he enables a listener to have memories and personal feelings connected to a song. I know this is one of his intentions and wishes, but at times this phenomena goes unnoticed since the craziness of life does not allow you to emerse yourself in the music. A song at times serves as background music like in a movie and life is the thickening plot.

Due to the all these memories and emotions exposing themselves once again it has created a sense of longing to see him again. I have always found it weird how I can miss a man I do not even know. I have to come to realize it is the way I feel when seeing him I miss and just seeing him actually in front of me that I would obviously miss. It may sound silly that I miss him like I do, but I can't help it. I have my non-Barry life which is normal and important to have but he is such a vital part of my life right now that I think it is a normal human reaction to miss a person who has such an impact on you.

Newspaper Article

About a week and a half ago, my school paper published an article of mine. It was not the first to be published nor will it be the last, but it will always be the one I am most proud of because it came from my heart. I was not frightened in the slightest way to show my whole school the obvious love I held for Barry. I have learned to embrace who I am and Barry is a part of me so I would not be truthful to myself or anybody else, if I did not claim him as my inspiration for my article. I hope you enjoy it. :)

NOTE: This is copyright of RPHS Eagle's Eye and Rebekah Cleary

Skimming through various radio stations, there is a garbled sound of infectious beats, hollow lyrics, and most of all, a lack of emotion.
During the past decade, the quality of music has slowly decreased due to the invasion of boy bands such as the Jonas Brothers, and the offensive lyrics of artists such as Lil Wayne. Musicians from three or four decades ago are not even recognizable to the youth of today because the constant change in music makes songs from even five months ago outdated.
Over the past several years, music has slowly become a personal anecdote, coinciding what is being written in the tabloids. Music is an artistic expression, which loses its meaning when the drama surrounding the music overshadows the actual melodic purpose. The recent Chris Brown and Rihanna scandal is a prime example of how personal events influence the opinion people have of an artist's music. Certain radio stations around the country have boycotted Brown's music in regards to his personal life rather than for musical purposes. Even though this will harm his reputation as an artist, it is not understandable how this affects the music.
If time were to rewind thirty years, the soft, calming sound of Barry Manilow singing, "I made it through the rain, I kept my world protected..." would be the message embedded in the heads of millions. The morale of this song is something every person can relate to at some point in their life. It is about redefining life and mustering up the courage to take a chance in what is considered right. Lyrics such as these may pick somebody up on a day that seems to never end, but does "...shawty wanna thug..." from Lil Wayne's "Lollipop" really mean anything? Does it give the listener the initiative to make a change in life? The lyrics are not even comprehensible to a person who follows the grammatical laws of English.
A musician's purpose is to make the listener feel something, whether positive or negative. Today's music radiates laziness and lack of depth, ruining what musicians for decades have tried so hard to achieve.
Nothing can compare with a power ballad as the music delves into a crescendo and the emotion mixes with passion, creating a song that sucks the life out of the listener after the song ends. An example would be Manilow's "Weekend in New England" that is arranged to increase in intensity as the song progresses by the addition of different instruments. After listening to a ballad by the Jonas Brothers or Beyonce, it just does not have the same effect. The message does not stay with me and it is easy to forget the song after ten minutes because it did not have a memorable moment. This is due to the fact that the quality of songwriting has decreased.
It is easy to get away with a meaningless lyric if the music flows beautifully and tells a story within the different arrangement of instruments. On the other hand, when the music suffers the same fate, the song becomes an instant disaster. Creating hypnotic beats takes no effort at all, which is the desired method of songwriting today. Musical greats such as Manilow and Elton John worked endlessly to find their place in the music industry and spent hours at the piano creating music that would affect the world. Today a a portion of singers assign producers such as Timbaland or Ne-Yo to create their voice and opinion. When a musician does not choose their own voice, the connection to the song is lost.
Music is a dying art in several aspects. Aged musicians can serve as an example to the new breed of singers and musicians to save music's purpose which is to inspire.

What has Bekah been up to?!

Well to my dismay my internet has decided to plunge head first into the sewer down the street and just not work for me at all. I have been going absolutely crazy without the internet. I do not need to be on the computer constantly, but I like checking in on things throughout the day and when I can not do that--I just lose my mind. So many Barry things happened this week and I couldn't even go and look for myself (Thank god for Alexander Graham Bell, let me tell ya) and it drove me crazy--I mean not being able to look at some really amazing pictures--school email can sometimes come in handy when trying to solve that problem. But a lot has happened in the past week and I couldn't wait to get on here and update everybody.

My parents are coming home from Germany tomorrow (finally) so I'll be able to get back to my normal life where I do not have to be asked questions about every little single thing I do, especially when it comes to Barry.
Last Saturday my nana brought me to this old record store and I got what to me was a goldmine of Barry stuff. I finally got If I Should Love Again, Live on Broadway, One Voice, 2 AM Paradise Cafe, Barry Manilow II, and a Swing Street 4 song sampler on LP and IISLA on cassette also. I walked out of there with the biggest smile on my face and I just looked at my Barry stuff like it was covered in gold. I have yet to listen to them as I didn't want to be bothered by my nana while just emerging myself in the Barry of yesterday. I have off till the 14th though (yay!!!!) so I'm sure you can guess what I'll be doing on Monday. :)

This week has been a life-changing week of sorts though. While watching the Vegas DVD last weekend with my nana, for the first time Somewhere Down the Road affected me in a way it never has before. I have always loved this song and it has always tugged at my emotions, but while watching him sing that one particular song on the DVD, for the first time it made complete sense to me. That happens to me every now and then. A song that may have not meant much to me before or may have not been clear, all of a sudden affects me in a way where it changes me in a way. As Barry has said, the song does not necessarily have to be about romance, it can be about a loss of any sort. It reminded me of my former best friend in an ironic sense. That song was one we both shared a mutual love for and that brought us both to tears when Barry sang it on the stool right in front of us back in August. I just found it ironic how that song has brought us together in a way and now the message talks about us growing apart. I just have been thinking about that song a lot.

On Tuesday I participated in a program called "Challenge Day." It's meant to bring students together and realize that us, as teenagers and individuals have more in common than we think and that it's not what is on the outside that matters. It was a very emotional day as in our small groups we would talk about who we are and who we wish people would know us as. I admit, I broke down at one point when talking about something I had never told even my closest friends before. It was an eye-opener for me and made me rethink about some things. Whenever the leaders of the program would speak though, I realized just how far I have come in such a short amount of time and how I achieved it all on my own. It in a way verified everything I had thought about myself and I honestly felt proud of myself. At one point also we were asked to take this note card and close our eyes and think of somebody who we would like to express our feelings or to thank and so on. The first person that came to mind was Barry. So I wrote my note to him. We were told to give our note cards to these people, but I don't know if giving mine would be possible, so I just have it with me for now as a keepsake. Some people underestimate at times the impact this man has had on me and how much of an inspiration he is to me every single day. This is why I wrote my note to him because he's the one I'd most like to thank. :)

I also battled a slight case of some sort of stomach thing on Monday and almost passed out on Wednesday from a lovely bout of cramps. I sometimes just love being female. But as I walked into my house after coming home early on Wednesday, I held my starz.bz package with my Manilow Live DVD and my M&P keychain in it tightly and I was happy. hehe. I'm coming down with a cold now I think. Oh joy.

Drum roll please...I also made the National Honor Society!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was so excited when I read my acceptance letter. I swear I let out the biggest gasp in history because finding out so soon was a total surprise. I'm so proud of myself and feel so accomplished of my efforts as I remember dreaming about getting into the NHS when I got accepted into the National Junior Honor Society in 8th grade.

I have begun making new friends and really revitalizing my life this week. I'm becoming who I want to be. I still have a long way to go as I'm still only 17 and have a lot to learn, but I'm on my way to something great I think. And laying in my bed Thursday night (well my parent's bed) and listened to Barry I thought to myself "Look Barry, we did it." :)

National Honor Society Essay

Today was the National Honor Society application deadline for numeruous junior students, myself included. This was actually not as strenuous as when I applied for the National Junior Honor Society back in 8th grade. This means to me more I think though. I do not know whether I will get in--I like to think I will, but I will not set my hopes and dreams too far out of reach because that's when egotistical characteristics begin to appear. So here's the essay I wrote for the personal essay requirement of the application. It was only a page but it took me an hour and a half to write as I am a perfectionist. :)

P.S. I did steal some of it from my blog post the other day. ;)

With every sunrise there is a new day to explore with virginal eyes peeking out around the corner, unsure of what to choose their destiny and that is the ultimate sign of leadership; having a passion to expect. A new day to dirty fresh hands that yearn to discover life’s mysteries. There are no guidelines to how one should conquer the task of life. It is simply up to that one individual to live and teach others to live for the purpose of feeling the wind glide through their hair. Leadership can not be determined by an individual’s position in society or the popularity an individual possesses. A leader is determined by a person’s vigor for life and the urge to bring something extraordinary to it.

Displaying individuality in a world where harsh expectations are desired to be met can at times be arduous in the aspect that certain actions or beliefs may not be understood. Marching to the beat of a different drum is something that I have learned to cherish and love about myself because it causes me to be inventive in what I do or think. After seeing a girl come out of gym class crying one day I thought to myself, "Don't do it for the applause. It will never be enough. Make sure you're doing it because you can't stop it." I had to follow my heart and do what I believed to be right. At that moment I made a promise to myself, a promise to not follow life‘s guidelines, but my own intuition. It could change somebody's life too, not just mine. I mustered up the courage to walk over to her and ask if she was okay and offered my support. Maybe I helped a little, maybe I didn't--but I did what I felt obligated to do and I do not need a pat on the back for my actions.

Smile because it may make somebody's day, but do not expect a smile in return. Smile because you need to. Life is not that bad. It took me many years to realize this, but it is the truth. It is up to an individual to choose the path life takes and it all begins with a little bit of inspiration.

When One Door Closes, Another One Opens

It is never easy losing a friend, especially a best friend. The memories are so wonderful and the love is so strong, that it literally rips a hole right through your heart. I have lost more best friends than I wish to remember due to circumstances out of my control, but it never gets any easier. There is more that is learned as a person matures, but human emotion never fades, never making heartache any easier.

Nobody ever said being a teenager is easy, especially one as unique as I am. I am very different. I think, act, and behave differently and find peace and enjoyment from a man and an era, most do not wish to care about. Everybody is different and that is what is so beautiful about this world, but when an individual's happiness is jeopardized due to foolish and unfair actions, it should not be tolerated.

Some of you may know who I am speaking of and some of you may not. I spent one of the best days of my life with her and I will forever cherish that. People change and so do their values and sometimes the ones who were always there, are left behind. It is never easy to take the first step, but "nobody knows what you want except you, and nobody will be as sorry as you if you don't get it."

Will they ever learn...I think not

I have removed myself extensively from the Manilow world over the past few weeks. I just got fed up with all the drama and stupidity, so I made the conscious decision to not bother myself with any of the negativity anymore. For the first time in months I felt like the Barry fan I did last summer because I was not being bothered with little botherances. The drama surrounding the Manilow world had absorbed me in a way I had not noticed till one day the alarm would not stop ringing in my ears and I woke up.

I can not even fathom the disappointment people must feel concerning the cancellation of Barry's shows. I would rather him cancel then put an additional risk to his voice causing more damage. It is sometimes necessary to put the wants and needs of your own aside and just wish the best for Barry because he has already given us so much.

The thing I have trouble with is how rumors and controversy can begin so easily because of one comment being taken out of context. And that once again, not a negative thing can be said about Barry because it will tarnish this "him on a pedestal" image. It astonishes me that some fans do not realize how foolish they sound when they discuss such things. They regard Barry as some sort of robotic man that is there to only please them and give them what they want. I would be as disappointed as the next person if a show was cancelled on me, but what would I prefer--Barry taking care of himself or possibly hurting himself to please the fans? It is an easy answer and it is obvious the one I would pick.

Friends have been lost because of things taken out of context or speculation of what may have happened and it exemplifies what I have thought all along. Some Barry fans are here to beg, plead, take advantage, and brag all in order to get closer to Barry. I do not know Barry personally, nor will I ever, but as a fellow human being, I can only imagine how disgusted he must feel at times. To me, it is idiotic how people go back and forth on a forum talking about Barry like he is not human at all, but theirs to control.

So I hope Barry takes care of himself these next few days and attends to his needs. I will always love him no matter what because he is human, just like you and I.

We Live on Borrowed Time

That song lyric kept going through my head all day long today. I just could not shake off that feeling of happiness to be alive, yet sorrow that some have not been as lucky to see the light of day one more time.

Death is something I have never been able to properly deal with. It is human nature to feel negative towards the thought or feeling of death, but those occurrences are usually formed after a personal tragedy. I have never had an experience that would cause me to feel this way. I have had great-grandparents pass away and a cousin who died prematurely, but never something that affected me greatly like the loss of a child or spouse. After reading about the tragic death of actress Natasha Richardson, I was overcome with sadness--but why? I did not know her to any extent and I had only seen a few of her movies. I wondered, how does one feel an overwhelming sadness for an unknown family and a short-lived life? The only answer I have is that we as humans are all connected in some way and we all feel happiness, anger, sorrow, glee, or any other emotion because it is human instinct. It has been instilled within us to feel such emotions, so that is why humans feel the way they do at times.

When I encounter the face of death it reminds me of my own mortality and how I must live each day like it's my last. Is it really worth it to get angry over one person's foolish action or be saddened by a bad test grade? No. We live on borrowed time, so why waste it with a ball of negative feelings?

A few lines of advice that popped into my head after seeing a girl come out of gym class crying yesterday was "Don't do it for the applause. It will never be enough. Make sure you're doing it because you can't stop it." Just like the music, his words can be interpreted in many different ways. My interpretation of this advice is to follow your heart and do what you believe is right. At that moment I made a promise to myself, a promise to be caring and kind as much as possible. It could change somebody's life. So I walked over to her and asked if she was okay and offered my support. Maybe I helped a little, maybe I didn't--but I did what I felt obligated to do and I do not need a pat on the back for my actions. Today I repeated my acts of kindness, even to people I do not particularly care for. The message I am trying to convey is to just smile because it may make somebody's day, but do not expect a smile in return. Smile because you need to. Life is not that bad. It took me many years to realize this, but it is the truth. These are all things I have learned from Barry. :)

Busy, busy, busy

So finally I have the chance to sit down and catch my breath after an extremely busy, but very fun weekend.

First off I must say I adore little kids, especially little girls. People have always told me I have a special way with kids, which was evident because as soon as I walked in the door of my mom friend's house, I was greeted by two bouncy and adorable little girls that had drew me pictures with "I love you Bekah" written on them. Mind you, they had never even met me before. What made my night worthwhile was the events that followed. While I was sitting coloring with one of the girls, the little 3 year old girl sat staring at my bracelet. I saw her staring so I asked her "Do you know who that is?" She shook her head no, so I said, "That's Barry Manilow."

"What does he do?"

"He's a very talented musician."

She then continued to look at my bracelet and laid on the floor looking at all the different links on it. My bracelet has a few pictures of Barry and then song titles in case you were wondering what this bracelet was all about.

The 3 year old was dancing around the playroom listening to the radio, singing along to current songs I didn't even know. Right then and there I decided I was going to have to expose these kids to quality music.

I sat through the TV show "iCarly" which actually wasn't too bad, but half way through the 2nd episode I asked them if they wanted to watch some Barry Manilow after the show was over. They both said sure. I had brought the Copacabana movie DVD with me, but their DVD player was from Mars or something and I couldn't get the picture to display on the screen. I stood there thinking what to do and I said "You wanna listen to some Barry?" They both exclaimed yes enthusiastically so I got out my iPod, which they were also amazed by. Maria, the 3 year old was amazed by my bracelet still and had to have asked what each song title was about 50 times, no joke.

I gave each girl a headphone and I played different songs for them switching from slower to upbeat so they wouldn't get bored. At one point they both leaned thie heads against me and just listened to Barry. It was one of the cutest things. Giulia, the older girl said she wanted both headphones and Maria said she wanted both also, so we decided the would take turns. Both of them would pick a song from my bracelet and would listen to the whole song and then switch. While Giulia would be listening, Maria was walking around in my high heeled boots. They really had me cracking up the whole night especially when Giulia told me about "Aidan" her little obyfriend who is just so, so, so, so, so, so cute she can barely stand it. Little kids are so adorable sometimes.

And oh yeah, I got piad $45 for the night which went right into the "Barry Manilow Really Amazing Seat Fund" as soon as I walked into my room.

Yesterday I also got to meet my 3 month old cousin, Max for the first time. My uncle at one point handed him to me while he was crying his little head off and so I'm just walking around bouncing him lightly up and down and guess who got him to fall asleep after 15 minutes? I also got $70 yesterday in checks yesterday from people I hadn't seen for my birthday, so I got a little over enough money for 2 tickets now. I'm so, so, so happy.

I'm really proud of my childcare accomplishments this weekend though. It was a very tiring weekend as I walked into school half asleep, but it was all worth it because I'm even closer to Barry now. :)

Walking down memory lane...quite literally

Today I felt the daunting need to take a walk and just think things through. Lately my mind has been a cloud of confusion brought on by various situations--so sometimes I just need to stop and remember what is important in life. What I needed most was the music.

I put on my Barry jacket, searched high and low for my ipod which was trapped under my bed covers and walked out into the brisk March air. I usually turn right to walk down my street, but I saw my old childhood crush fiddling with his car so I turned right around and walked the other way. Ever since his my former crush's brother told him I had a crush on him in 6th grade, I've been too embarassed to even look at him. It has always intrigued me how things like that stay with you, which seemed to be the theme of my walk.

"Ready to Take a Chance Again" was the first song that popped up on the screen. I swear sometimes my ipod can read my mind because it'll play songs that coincide with how I am feeling at that exact moment. I started walking up the hill ,looking at the sky just thinking as Barry sung about willing to take a risk and believing in what is right. I do not perceive all of this love songs to necessarily be about love. Barry has said those words himself when talking about "Somewhere Down the Road." It is all in the way you want to hear it.

I walked past a little girl on a bike racing around her driveway. I looked at her and smiled. I still see that little girl in me sometimes.

I turned the corner and as I did "One Voice" started playing. Listening to songs such as this one sometimes gives me the push I need to figure things out and get my act together. It is amazing what music can do. I walked along just thinking about where I have been and who I am. It is important for me to know who I am and where I am going because if I do not, I feel like I am in maze that has no exit.

I continued to walk along looking at weathered houses I have looked at for years. Sometimes I think things look different and have changed drastically--but the truth is I am the one who has changed. I realized that the last time I had taken this path was the day before I left for Las Vegas. I had seen so many things, been so many places, and had so many unforgettable experiences. I had forgotten about the simple walk I used to take. I had become so caught up in a world I was not always comfortable with that I forgot what was important. Just the little things like listening to Barry and taking a walk through my neighborhood. It is easy to paint a house or put up a fence and siguise it to look differently. It is possible to do the same with a person, but it is hard to disguise unless that person really believes it. My surroundings would always be the same but me as a person would not.

Walking back from the hightop view of the beach "(I've Had) The Time of My Life" was the next song to play. I had let the music go for too long and became focused on a world soaked in fantasy. At that moment there was nothing but the memories and the road ahead of me taking me wherever I choose to go.

Excitedly exclaiming the night before that I finally got the "All the Time" sequence from the Second TV Special reminded me of the Barry fan I am and that I had missed being--an enthusiastic teenage girl on her way to discovering what this whole journey means.

What I don't understand

It is no secret I love and adore Barry. He is my inspiration, my idol, and my crush. I love everything about him, flaws included. The reason why I have always been attracted to his imperfections is because it makes seem human, rather than a celebrity. Since he can admit that he is not perfect nor will he ever be, it has made me grow more accustomed to accepting my own flaws. It is just one of the many things I have learned from Barry.

It hurts me very much when I feel as though I am limited to what I can and can not say because it may offend some. I am a very opinionated person and I have been for as long as I can remember. I always speak my mind because sometimes people need to hear a different opinion rather the truth people want to hear with all the rainbows and unicorns prancing around.

I would never ever hurt Barry in anyway in a million years. I have got in to heated arguments with non-Barry people in defense of him and I have vowed never to go to Palm Springs because I just do not want to seem like a stalker. There is no reason for me to have to prove my love for Barry because as long as I know it is there that is all that matters.

One of things that I just can not seem to understand though sometimes is how you can not say a single negative thing about Barry without being criticized for it. People forget he is not perfect emotionally, mentally, or physically. It is something everybody is exposed to at some point in their life--the truth of not being perfect. Tabloids publishing a false story is different from a mature, controlled conversation. Saying something false about Barry's health is different from voicing your concern about him. Everybody is entitled to their own opinion even if it different from mine. Just do not tell me what I should or should not say because it may not be the same as yours.

I believe some people do not want to hear any negativity about Barry and would rather live in their happy world with the rainbows and unicorns. If that is what you want to do so be it, it is not my decision to make. Things are just taken out of context and too literally.

If we all thought the same thing this would be a very dull and boring world, but sometime it is just better to not say anything at all. Not because your opinion does not matter because it will cause everything to be more than it should.

I will always love Barry, regardless of what he does or who he is. I just like having some fun with him as he probably does the same in regards to the fans.

I'm going out of my mind

I found out many months ago that I do not deal well with what I call "Barry Stress." This is stress I associate with buying Barry tickets, planning a trip to go see him, or being in the process of about to see him. I do not deal well with any of these aspects of "Barry Stress" and I drive myself, along with everybody else around me crazy because of it. I nearly blew a gasket both times I bought Barry show tickets and freaked out up until the point I saw him in person.

I want to go to Las Vegas in August more than words can properly say. It is all I think about when my mind can focus on something besides school and I know it is in my grasp, but I just do not know how to grab it entirely. I have over half of my ticket money saved for 3 nights of shows, know I can somehow can airfare money within the next several months, and may have hotel paid for because of my wonderfully, kind aunt. It's just getting there that poses a problem. Hopefully my mom still loves me enough to take me or let me tag along with my aunt. I'm just beyond stressed about this. I just wish I could book the whole trip right now. Unfortunately I live in a world where I did not win the $212 mega million jackpot last night so I must work and beg to see the man I so adore.

I just needed to get this all out. Now I must take a nap to clear my mind.

But good news--I was asked to apply for the National Honor Society and must go to some meeting tomorrow for it!!! I was in the National Junior Honor Society and didn't think I would even be considered for this. I'm always surprising myself.

I have a couple of blog ideas floating around in my head so stay tuned! :)

Sweet Life

So I have decided to start one of these neat little blog things instead of writing on the MMN because it'll make it more personal and it'll eliminate the possibility of some unwanted comments on my posts.

My first post will be about "Sweet Life."

The past few days I have had to put Barry on hold and have not had time to focus on him as much. It always bothers me when I must do this because I do not even have time for the music. The music is what keeps me going when I may not have time to sit down and watch a DVD or even think about him. So not having time to just sit and get lost in the music is an inconvenience of sorts. I will admit, I had a dream Sunday night that startled me and made me reevaluate where I want life to lead me in my 17th year of life. One of my first thoughts always when it comes to anything is "Will I have Barry?" or "Will he still be there?" It's a natural reaction I've become accustomed to having. It's not that I'm obsessed with him every moment of my existance, he's just become such an influential part of my life that knowing he'll be there comforts me--if that makes any sense. Because of this dream I had to make a decision for my future self. Would I always have Barry be a part of my life regardless of who comes into my life? The answer was yes. It is hard to explain exactly what I felt, but I really did have to think about my future and Barry. Some dreams just scare me because they're so realistic and I can never be sure if they are a look into the future. I decided to put listening to Barry or watching Barry or just doing anything Barry related for another time. I had watched some of the "Ultimate Manilow" DVD later that night, but my eyes were soon collapsing in on me and I was finding it difficult to keep them open.

Today in study hall I looked over my Journalism outline for the editiorial I'm writing about today's music opposed to Barry's musical era. Barry is also one of my main examples. I decided I would not need to begin writing my article till next period, so I had a whole period to myself. I had brought "Sweet Life" in my bag just in case I had extra time throughout the day to read, so I thought I'd continue reading the book for the 3rd time.

Besides "Sweet Life" there was only one book when I was younger that I would read over and over again. To me, there was never a purpose in re-reading a book. I got what I wanted from it and that was it. It would only be a distant memory and a possible family party topic in the future. "Sweet Life" is different. Each time I read it, I read something new even though I have already read those very words before. I believe it is the willingness to listen to what he says and the current view on life the reader possesses that makes things noticeable that were hiding in the shadows previously. One night last week when I decided to pick up the book again I decided I'd leave post-it-notes with my thoughts of certain passages as a memento to my future self. By reading in such depth, I have been able to see myself in him more times than I first thought. Is it because his inspiration has made me emulate him or was I this way all along? It's too late to tell, but the passion he has for life made me oblivious to the loud noise and rowdy boys in my study hall today. I did not even hear them. I felt like I was sitting there listening to him speak, like an old friend would speak to you. I was not fantasizing about him being there, I just got lost in what he had to say because he reminds you of things you were never able to. As ilooked up and saw the period would soon be ending I felt refreshed and energized. I just needed a little Manilow break because the hustle and bustle of the day sometimes makes you forget about the good things in life. :)